崔健演唱会：摇滚，革命，和慈善欺诈

昨晚去听了不错的崔健演唱会，占了人在美国的便宜，居然能在club的小场站第一排~~几乎能摸到他老人家的脚啊...:P 这要在国内，工体的最后几排能从大屏幕上看个人头就不错了。

说实话我也不是什么忠实歌迷，不过数年前买过一张没壳的盗版，知道那几首大街上放濫的一无所有，一块红布什么的。连崔健长什么样也没概念。比如我总以为他是个挺酷的大黑疙瘩，海报上戴着鸭舌帽的样子也给人这样的印象。而我喜欢看酷哥，所以很是兴奋。

先出来一个短黑个一脸麻戴个绒线帽的，一身有点像睡衣裤，大家喊Eddy或Andy，知道他是弹吉它的，不是崔健自己，稍微放心。又出来一人，松垮垮的黑体恤平布仔裤，书生脸，两鬓白了，戴个黑边眼镜，说他是我们那县城的中午语文老师我一点都不会怀疑。大家又喊刘元。他吹萨克斯，唢呐，笛子，箫。。。总之古今中外用嘴的口可以，换了5，6种，真让人看傻了。崔健歌里那些时不时蹦出来的民乐调调大概都拜他所赐吧。然后又出来鼓手，键盘，贝司手。然后才是崔健他自己。戴个五角星帽子，银灰和白相间的风衣内里是红色的，翻出来成红袖章的样子。里面的体恤是真唱运动的宣传衫。乍看蛮酷，但是问题在于。。。他真是意想不到地白阿！真是保养良好的中年男子的形象，白脸，皱纹适当，金鱼水泡眼（还好被红军帽遮住不少），加上微微的肚腩。

anyway, music is music, nothing to do with appearance. 我还没来得及失望，强烈的鼓点和电声吉它开始了。。。不过我连第一首歌是什么也不知道，只见到我右手边隔着个Caltech 姐姐一男生全身像插上电一样地上下窜了起来，左手边俩女的手脚舞动得像下过头的面条一样。他们都是三十中的样子。此后那男生全场陶醉，能跟上每一句歌词，电吉它的放大器一打开就开始通电跳窜，让人敬仰不已。事实上我旁边的Caltech 姐姐托着腮帮子不时撇他一眼，不过他大概都没感觉到。

陆陆续续地找到了我的盗版精选里面的歌，往往是唱到群情最沸腾的时候。而过了耳膜震荡最初的不适应阶段之后，我也开始有了热情被点燃的感觉。《出走》和《假行僧》是我喜欢的。记得后者还被Dianarose同学改成我们班毕业小品《一个无端郁闷者的意外死亡》里面的台词。那小品后来被评价为色调太灰暗了。不过我很喜欢里面无拘无束天地广阔的感觉，我要从南走到北我还要从白走到黑，呱唧呱唧。他还唱了他要出的新专辑里面的两首歌，《红先生》和《迷失的时刻》，听起来还不错。歌迷同学们可以留心一下拉。

club应该是摇滚歌手的最好表演场所吧，真正符合underground的精神。在剧院大体育馆就有点拉虎皮或票房的意思了。

演唱会在花房姑娘中结束，之前上一首歌崔健把电吉它的弦弹断了。场内气氛热烈感人但没有那么不可控制，崔健下场后没人继续鬼叫他也就不上来了。陆续闪人。

有两件有趣的发生在演出外的故事不能不提：

一个是在演出前我在门口扮演黄牛出售多的票，遇到一挺帅的小伙子在那儿兜售印刷品。没人真正理他，他的面目诚恳和衣着灰败同时打动了我，还有卖不掉东西的同命相怜吧，我就掏出一块钱来买他的印刷品。一看，哇塞，是第四国际共产组织的宣传物。还有中文版的专门讲中国革命和天安门运动的。出于好奇，我跟他聊了两句，关于他们的宗旨现状和对中国的经济政治改革的看法等等。小伙子的眼镜马上亮了，带着共产主义者特有的灼热给我讲了一大堆，阐明中国人民目前处于斯大林主义和官僚资本的双重压迫中，他们要帮助中国找到正确的革命道路，托罗斯基主义。聊天耽误了生意，我只好把多的一张免费的票送他了。国际共产觉得我孺子可教，还让我留下联系办法。哇塞，不会发展我回中国去继续革命吧>_<

除了革命者，摇滚音乐会现场牛鬼蛇神无所不备。大概12点我们看完演出又溜弯儿吃了餐麦当劳回到乐厅那儿拿车，正好碰到崔健他们出来，我们就伪装成虔诚歌迷去请他签名合影。也真有点惨淡，我们居然是唯一在那儿等的歌迷。看崔健和艾迪正在和一苏格兰老头热情聊天。真不容易，国际歌迷那。不过仔细一听，好像是老头在拉他们给一个慈善机构捐赠。后来崔健终于有些不耐烦地不理人家了，可能我们和他合影正好解救了他吧:P 艾迪跟他最后结论：you are bothering us. 拿到签名合影，我们兴奋地开车走。这时老头过来敲窗。衡欣居然打开了车窗。老头说：you know that guy, the famous chinese singer, he just gave us a large amount of donation. (how much?) can't tell you. 然后他开始滔滔不绝地介绍他们的组织feed 多少多少homeless. 更扯的是，our project was founded by Beatles, you know beatles?.... 没有同情心的我不断摇头，但是好心的衡欣ＤＤ还是掏出了１０块钱给人家，说有跟崔健合影倒很高兴，还是捐点给人家吧。看来崔健最后还是间接给人家raise fund了:D

btw, 虽然我一口咬定老头是骗子，但是他最后居然给了个油印的收据。落款是Iskcon Relief Project. 回来后无聊上网查了一下那个Project，还确有其事，但看起来跟beatles无关。我怀疑老头若是去staples门口募集善款，一定会说麦克乔丹是创始人吧。不过也可能是我心眼里把人往坏处想了。

玫瑰玫瑰玫瑰

加州的春天来得早去得也早，夏天还没有真正来到，夏天的最后一朵玫瑰都要登场了。我来记一下我所看到的身边的那些朵玫瑰，因为我知道她们终究都要离我而去。或者在来年的芬芳里，她们能在这儿照出自己前身的影子，再来哭笑一场吧。

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每天从Gym走回家的路上，我都要拐进Credit Union 门口的小路去看一株黄玫瑰花。因为钟爱黄色的花的缘故，向日葵，百合花，就算玫瑰，我也喜欢她肆无忌惮地长成热烈的清清楚楚的黄色。这株上其它的都因为开得太大而显出萎靡的迹象，只有一朵是我最中意的，女婴拳头大小，结实饱满而内敛，她干香洁净，没有芬芳似乎也不介意。她没有刺，这真是一件怪事，也不常见带娇羞的露珠，也许是没有让我看到的时候。我见到的，多是她在阳光下晶亮亮地笑的样子，如果没有太阳呢，她自己似乎就是阳光了。她的同伴纷纷在枝头老去了，片片粉粉的花瓣松松地掉了一地，而她的花瓣似乎有黄金的紧致和色泽，她会永远充满期待地开下去吧，或许有一天，如果她愿意，她还会尝试开成红色玫瑰，如果她愿意的话。

然而今天，我又经过那条路的时候，发现她居然也已经凋谢了。确切地说不是凋谢，是枯萎在自己的枝上了。她干在那里，黄色的花瓣边缘带了枯的金属色，向里卷了起来。生命的气息从她盛年的美貌中奄奄离去，让人看了真觉得心里难过。她还没来得及变成红色，没来得及尝试芬芳和诱惑。

玫瑰就是玫瑰，即使是黄色玫瑰，我们也不能期盼她的美貌永年。


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我可以从她端矜的姿态远远地辨出她是一朵玫瑰，一朵红玫瑰。旁边也有开得一样鲜艳色泽的玫瑰，但只有她在宣告，我是玫瑰。

她的确娇艳完美，没有瑕疵。她的每一片花瓣都在最润泽的色彩里舒展，层层打开时有不胜羞涩的韵律，仿佛细长的手指在竖琴的琴弦拨落的声声叹息，甚至阳光走过也轻手轻脚，不忍将阴影在她的花芯投下。

这是一朵身孚使命的玫瑰。她从第一片花瓣打开的时刻就明了了这一点。她将为爱情而生，将以玫瑰的名字与一个传说联结，被世世传唱，这不应该是每一朵有自知和责任心的玫瑰花的命运吗？她采撷每一缕路过的清风编织自己的梦想，希望在最美丽的时刻被一个额角广阔目光如炬的白衣少年摘下，而他的爱人在第一眼看到她盛开的努力时就能明了他的心意，无需多的言语。是的，即便她不能爱他，为他所爱，也希望成为他幸福的凭据和见证，希望能在他的故事里纠缠而愈加鲜妍，希望她即使不久老去，也能够保有一个关于他的温暖笑容的明晰记忆，这记忆，会让她在下一季的盛开中消减些寂寞。

她不知道呢，明天清晨，她真的会被街角的少年摘下，带着露珠，去求那个苹果脸庞的女孩的欢心。然而再一个早晨，她会被扔到街上，还没完全失去水分的花瓣被车轮和脚底碾破，和尘土混合在一起。女孩到了另一人的怀抱。

我知道这样写有点残忍，还好，她现在对这一切都还不知情。她在美梦中等待下一个清晨的到来。

玫瑰就是玫瑰，不是爱情。爱情竟然无可保证，连最完美的玫瑰也不成。


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这一朵，她的季节过去了。

她曾经也是独一无二的吧，这从她至今仍略略矜持的姿态可见一二。曾有一个人把她从满园的玫瑰中辨别出来，悉心照料，给与她骄傲和个性。然而她竟然不屑一顾，放他去了别的星球流浪。

如今她老了，大朵的花瓣垂垂搭了下来，褐色的斑点爬上了她的脸颊。如今日落成了她每天最期盼的时刻，因为那时候她可以依稀见到那个当日的少年头发的颜色，麦田的金黄。她总是希望他能在某一个落日的时刻突然降临，在她的花瓣还能辨出些昔日娇嫩的粉色的时候。玫瑰的生命如此短暂，他怎么能够不懂得而去了远方这么久。

然而她终于不曾等到，她不能了解少年在远方的星球的故事，了解他在落日时分对着天际的思念，了解他在一座座玫瑰园前的怅惘。有一天她最后的一个花瓣飘落了，那个时候大的太阳正慢慢滚落她所在的小小的星球，她在临死的时候想到或者麦田的金黄始终只是她的幻觉，她看到的只是沙漠的黄沙漫天。

玫瑰是玫瑰阿，独一无二的玫瑰有独一无二的故事。

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（待续，hotplay你们也来写吧，写完了给你熬汤做减肥茶）

美国往事

once upon a time in america...有点象纵横四海的故事. 昨晚熬夜到4:30看完, 很不错的电影.我觉得比教父拍得更细致. 二三十年代的Jazz age, 六十年代的Beatles, 江湖故事里的美国还真让人有身临其境的时代感.

演noodles的那个, 大红大紫的黑帮老大演员. Robert De Niro . 年轻时候的棱角分明的脸有点象周润发. 眼睛水汪汪的,长在杀人不眨眼的黑道头目脸上有点不协调, 但是更有悲剧感的魅力. 好几次眼睛的特写都让人印象深刻. 象legend of 1900里面说, 总有一个人,在3000 人的船上,到达纽约港口的时候,第一次看到自由女神像, 并喊出: "the america~~~" 的, 大概就是这样的人,长着这样的眼睛吧.

高跟鞋的矛盾

因为晴朗的天气和馥菱的怂恿，我穿上了买了很久一直放着的高跟凉鞋。hotplay，就是你前年夏天建议的款式，黑色漆皮细带百搭型。而且是SteveMadden，suppose 是舒服款的。

穿上高跟鞋最大的好处是，就不能自由地跑来跑去了。我因为经常在走廊和校园里奔跑而被笑话不够淑女，这下好了，可以一摆三摇，装出慢条斯理很像个女博士的样子了。不过都是这样，每双高跟鞋都是早上刚穿上的时候感觉最好，神清气爽，天地也高了一层，不管姿色几何，都很有poseuse的自得其乐。但是到了下午两点以后，特别是跑了一上午加工厂，来回machine shop拿打磨机，上课，又站着调仪器（不用很久，10分钟以上吧），就不由得不气急败坏起来。刚才在上课，就偷偷把鞋脱掉脚搁在地板上，大感快慰。后来下课找鞋发现都快踢到老师眼皮底下了——我坐第一排。现在真恨不得马上回家换鞋，但想到如果要走回家还要忍受细带勒脚和小腿肚打颤，就说还不如等到晚上一并走一趟了事。我记得大一的时候我还能穿着细带高跟鞋逛一天动物园呢，现在怎么越来越不中用了呢？

或许对于做实验的人来说，高跟鞋真是一种奢侈品。但是如果因此要我天天坐着跑simulation, 那我还是穿球鞋好了。

hotplay: 纸花是California Poppy，我总觉得就是罂粟花，但是被别人否定。这里有个poppy valley ，开满了这样的花，正想等天好花开了去看呢。shuhuai 刚又剪le新潮短发，这边的理发师居然还记得她呢，真是还是美女好啊。我的头发，正在像越来越短的趋势发展。。。凉快:P

今晚Charlie rose interview Quentine Tarantino, 你的偶像，是为kill bill 2 做宣传吧。上次1的时候访问了Uma, 我喜欢她^_^ 不过我看过Tarantino在别的娱乐节目被采访，觉得就是个神经病。不知道被Charlie采访会有什么不同。

博士的样子

大家来看我们的Joshua Tree 照片吧

http://caltechc.caltech.edu/~hiking/JoshuaTree_0404

我还特地放入了一张李晶晶发来的让我得意的照片...对了,就是我爬到skull rock高处再也上不去四脚悬空的那张....真的很得意啊,因为别人都没能爬到那儿. 结果刚在网上发给我表妹看, 正等她赞我看起来年轻有活力, 她发来一条: 怎么这副傻样!!! 看我过于沮丧, 她补充安慰了一下: 至少我以前看到的博士都不是这样的.

这小孩啊, 刚工作不到一年, 就烫了爆炸式还带highlight的奇怪的头, 真是.... 还有第一次回家她来机场接我, 楞是说没认出来, 不是因为我样子变了, 而是" 我总觉得你从美国回来应该看起来更时髦一些, 这毛衣看起来也... 太土了!" 我赶紧解释说是在Express打折的时候买的, 才20块, 人家一般的美国毛衣是要好看一些, 她才释然. ..看来我再念书念啊念下去, 以后回家要落伍太多了.

老乡炸酱面

终于吃到了韩国同学夸口已久的韩国口味中式炸酱面, 在一家叫" 老乡" 的北方面食馆. 我除了一大碗炸酱面之外, 还要了韭菜鱼肉水饺, 梁永强同学要了让他觉得亲切的山东烧鸡. 馥菱要了跟我们都不同的三鲜马面, 一上来看得我就很后悔,因为她的比我们的碗都至少大一倍.

炸酱面味道很不错,虽然跟北京的大不相同, 关键在于没有细细的葱和黄瓜丝. 刚端上来黑呼呼一碗盖住了所有的面条把我吓了一跳. 里面的料有黄瓜,肉丁和洋葱, 没有豆干也是有点不同. 味道丰厚, 有点甜, 面也很筋道. 韭菜饺子也很受大家好评, 清淡鲜美, 皮能吃出明显的手工味道, 而且大而拙的样子, 让人很感到亲切家常.

老板娘人很谦和, 又会周到照顾, 会说英文,中文和韩文 三种语言. 听我们点完菜还特地用韩文跟旁边优点被冷落的韩国同学讲一遍. 我几乎要选她当老佳味之外的最佳老板娘了.

除了茶不太好喝之外,其他各项可算完美. 我们几个用很快既不淑女也不绅士的态度吃完, 我跟馥菱虽然从中间就开始喊饱,最后也都把满满大碗吃了个八九不离十. 外加若干饺子, 鸡肉和小菜....sigh, 就当今天跑步又白跑了吧.... 席间韩国同学不断强调韩国女生跟男生吃饭从来都只是一小口 (估计就是炸酱面吸个面条把酱拉外头的那种樱桃小嘴吧!), 让我颇怀疑他用心不良想让我们多剩一些给他吃. anyway, I took care of my own share. 他最后也吃到快走不动了.

能吃到很饱真是一种幸福啊. 刚看了一下馥菱的blog, 写她今天午餐带了building 最大的一个, 哈哈,被人笑话...其实还有一个秘密....我早上从冰箱拿午餐的时候挑到了一个我们家最大的:D 而且在很不耐烦地等饭盒加热地时候, 又适时地吃了一块面包....没办法,谁让老师上课时间排在12点到1:30呢:(

要吃,总是有借口的!!!

强权和恐怖主义的双生态

就好像病毒和反病毒的工作人员,谁离了谁也没饭吃啊. 要不是911, Bush的猴子脸能有这么大的用武之地,成为拯救国家发扬美国民族主义的英雄吗? 有个小笑话... 我取笑两个小朋友(名字保密!) 穿了一样颜色的衣服象情侣装时, 他委屈地说: 就算Bush 和Bin Ladin都姓B, 也不一定要做情侣啊. well, in this case ( I mean, that case), they are perfect match!

前一段在Caltech有 FBI 介入调查案件, 有个G2学生被控参加earth liberation front的行动,参与焚烧附近3家dealer的120多辆SUV. 当晚的新闻将之报道为"terrorism"行为. 有趣的是, 在被毁的SUV上被这些" 生态恐怖分子"们涂上了"oil, source of terrorism", and "SUV= evil", etc. 看来双方对恐怖活动的定义有着不同的理解.

再来看看下面两段引用,大家猜猜分别是谁说的:

"Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with terrorists."

"There are only two powers now in the world. one is America, which is tyrannical and oppressive. The other is a warrior who has not yet been awakened from his slumber and that warrior is Islam."

yeah, the first quote was from our (or their) dear heroic president Bush as familiar to most people. the later one was from some Sunni Muslim cleric.... see what kind of resemblance they hold! In those people's eyes, the world is either this end or that, no neutral, no normal people who is not hero nor warrior and deserves a peaceful life.

now it came time for this Saudi dude to make decision, either with "us" or with "terrorists". he did it, no matter by exchange, enticement, enforcement or pure stupidity, and his innocent people are paying for him.

temporarily dismissed

Shuhuai and Lei are at their cousin's. sinan at his dad-of-two-girls classmate's place. so I'm now temporarily dismissed :P but just got my advisor's email, and understood what he meant "cleaning up the lab before tomorrow" was actually setting-up another experiment totally >_< gee, lot of work to do...

hotplay and thinkthink, sorry I wasn't able to talk to you two a lot yesterday and today in phone. we'll talk soon.

hotplay: I don't suggest you to try those home-made masks, 'cause sometimes there will be unexpected chemical reactions:p especially when the materials are from fresh vegetable/fruits, the mixture can generate certain type of acids which are not quite tuned to skin as in mask products. probably trying one at a time and rotating them is a better idea. I saw a girl use milk to do mask every night before sleeping and the result was not bad. so maybe you can do:
M, Th: egg
T, F: evaporated milk
W, Sat: olive oil
Sun: take a rest
:D

Mazzy star~~ happy weekend~~

不小心发掘了一个很好听的乐队。Mazzy Star....have you heard about them?
女主唱的声音有难言的温柔和倦怠，甚至不经意就听出了空洞来。第二首Bell Ring里面她的声音和繁复的配音始终不溶合，好像总是分离的两层。仿佛浮在一锅热而不沸的水表面上的油滴，你期待它溅出来，却渐至消散了。还有第九首，Into dust, 是不是很有Tori Amos的味道？只是配器更丰富一些，在角落里冒出来的大提琴让人落泪。我比较没出息拉，爱听摇滚乐队里比较慢的歌:P 你要是喜欢激烈的也会喜欢他们的吉他和鼓点。

大家快来这儿download吧，过周末就删掉了。

对了，通报一下，今晚sinan和Yaoyao夫妇就要来咯，guess where are are we going? Joshua tree and Getty Center again! 羡慕吧:D 东岸的姐妹们就自己乐吧。

waiting for security...

before my limit of asking security escort was 2am, now it has been down to 12am. probably my courage is also downgrading...

reinstalled my laptop, finalized tax form, did 2 tests, even had dinner out with group of girls... I've done surprising work tonight, should have a good dream now ^_^

... I've been waiting for 20 minutes, the security guy told me they are so busy these days. I guess because of the robberies (right in my street!!!) a week ago, their business had been largely boosted. maybe we should launch a campaign to ask President office to buy some new cars:(

4.14 Black Day - let's go Zha2 Jiang4 Mian4

I was just told that tomorrow it's a holiday! - of course an alternative one - Black Day for singles!!!

in contrast with 2/14 Valentine's Day, this 4/14 is celebrated in Korea as Black Day. assumably it's for singles and not that such a romantic and happy one^_^

the counter part of chocolate as in Valentine's Day is Zha2 Jiang4 Mian4- yeah, this down-to-the-earth Chinese noodle, plain, simple, but good for daily life. so the tradition of Black Day is that single friends around will hang out together to eat Zha2 Jiang4 Mian4. a little bit A~Q~, but a fun tradition, isn't it?

as told by my Korean friends, it seems that they have lots of weird but fun traditions produced by young generations. like on the first snowing day of every winter, the lovers will have their one secret dating place, without appointment, they will meet there when the snow starts. if one forgets it or fails arriving there at the very first moment, it will be viewed as a betray to their love. it's a beautiful tradition... but probably my friend just made it out:P

anyway, tomorrow I won't even be able to hang out with singles for zha jiang mian:( my significant appointment is... with my dentist!!!!

anti-terrorism to the end!!!

well, I'm talking about my laptop ... yeah, this morning when I woke up and prepared for a brand new week, again I found my laptop was disconnected from caltech web. yeah, our dear made-in-china Rising didn't do the work well either. this time, it was infected by another type of worm with a strange name I didn't even care to remember:(

don't you think computer viruses are somehow like terrorists: the fire can't dump them, with a night of spring breeze they will reincarnate everywhere? now I start to appreciate the positions of president Bush and advisor Rice. what can you do if they are everywhere and never give up the chance to re-attack whenever possible? well, probably a good idea is not trying to invade iraq, like I did last week, but to REBOOT YOUR SYSTEM.

I'll let you know how slow and pain-taking the rebooting process is. I almost fell into sleep before the computer.... I guess compared to three years ago, my only possible progress in computer skills is that I can read English better, so that I might be able to read the instructions more clearly. but of course I never cared to:(

so... the best way I would suggest to kill virus is to never bother to use a computer... yi wu zhao sheng you zhao>_<

hotplay: about the rose, I suggest you to steal some from campus sometime. they are in blossom everywhere here. but never believe in the date thing, I guess it will only help you to gain weight. it's only a sweet sweet trick :P

thinkthink, 怎么没写完那？

your thoughts about love... I forgot most stuff about love in 穆斯林葬礼，据我们班一个男生，忘了是谁，说他读到梁新月（？）死的时候哭了很久，他念《平凡的世界》到沈晓霞（？）死的时候在床上躺了一整天。相比之下，我还真是感情冷淡，如果要流眼泪肯定赶紧擦去，再喝下一大碗白开水就忘记了。《穆斯林葬礼》是高中读的，看完之后我印象最深的是"回回三把刀，*****”，还有就是把鲁迅的《故事新编》由找出来看了一遍。《平凡的世界》是在大一期末考试，下大雪的冬天，新馆暖烘烘的自习教室，班里同学占了两张桌子一起复习，有个男生带来消遣，被我夺来翻了两天看完，因为想着高数，也没时间伤感乐。

今天天气不错，适合听beatles，姐妹们出来遛遛吧。我刚才如愿以偿，在草地上小睡了一觉，因为忘记带钥匙进不了office building，又不好意思折回家怕被馥菱笑话，只好等人路过来替我开门。。。

there is no easy scapegoat in a democratic government

"the blame goes to government structure" was a joke as in a democratic society, just like it could only be taken as a joke when Dr. Rice claimed "no one gave me order to do this" to defend that no FBI officials were given order to conduct due diligencey on possible highjacking attack even when it was reported two potential terrorists were taking pilot training in US.

democracy in some sense is like a thermodynamics process. you can be left or right a little bit from time to time, but the principle of maximization entropy is always abided by via all means of balanced powers. the basic government structure is defined by democracy itself. within the structure, each government has its range of adjustment according to the functional emphasis and strategic goal of that government. so if Dr. Rice would blame anything on the government structure, that was she and her president didn't do their homework well. if in any case, there's blame going to the democratic foundation, like "why do we do this stupid 4-yr election to disrupt consistency of foreign policy and war against terrorism?", or, "why government can't be issued more power so that we can react more efficiently?", or, "why even the president of US needs an excuse to persuade mass to launch a war against another country?" ... if those questions were raised or implied, then that's another serious story.

it was by coincidence that I picked up FA Hayek's Road to Serfdom in last night's bedtime reading. in the few pages I read he seriously warned western democratic countries the danger of overwhelming government power in the name of "efficiency" which would eventually lead to naziism or socialism, two parallel forms of intrinsic totalism in his definition. if it was the government structure to be blamed as Dr. Rice implied, we would have full sake to believe that it is this currently claimed democratic and free America to be reformed into a highly efficient empire who sends people to war without justification, puts civilians under surveillance in the name of national security, and fights everywhere as world police without an ally.

dereliction of duty goes to personnel. government structure doesn't take responsibility for the duty. democracy itself doesn't take responsibility for the duty. moreover, it is really dangerous if anybody takes the chance to transfer it and bring fatal damage to democratic foundation.

well, in the end. Hotplay, I have to say, 你的冰糖炖香蕉的方子不错。馥菱喝一半偷偷扔掉一半咳嗽就好多了，哈哈。

btw, I just found there's a long article about Condoleezza Rice in latest Newyorker web. it is so long that I can't manage to finish it now. I'll wait till the magazine comes. but one sentence looks very interesting to me:

“I can’t find the Archimedean point outside her love of Bush” - from one of her friends.

a new piece, from today's "slate"

Dr. Rice needs a crystal ball

it was by chance that I got up a little bit earlier than usual and caught the last part of 911 commission hearing, which I found pretty digestable to go with grist bagel, goat cheese and black tea.

well, the whole point I got after my breakfast hearing was that politicians' language is quite not the species we are using. "warning", "threat", "action"... all have totally different meanings coming up from interpretation. and Dr. Rice, whose physical strength I really respected for sitting there answering bugging questions for 5 hrs without showing any signs of weariness or withdrawing, was quite capable of those interpretation. though lots of people might have done a better job in reacting pre-911 intelligence put at her position, barely no one could do better in such a hearing.

a lot of emphasis has been stressed on how Bush administration reacted efficiently after 911 to fight against terrorism and reinforce national security, strong facts and strong arguments, which confused me a little bit: wasn't the point of the hearing was "why you didn't react efficiently before 911 to prevent it from happening?" -- but maybe it was again politions' way of answering questions.

finally, my conclusion was, to serve a good advisory position, Dr. Rice really needs a crystal ball which could have told her exactly when where who and how about the attack. that was exacly what she was asking, "no one had told me where (NY or DC), what time and by which means it would happen, how could we prevent? ..." well, unfortunately terrorists were not news correspondents who provided facts as diligent, and her CIA and FBI staffs not stargazers. with all the evidence and intelligence, Dr. Rice is now telling us: I still need my ball!

only one explanation lefe now to justify this administration's inefficiency in reacting terrorism attack: they did have a longterm strategic plan to fight terrorism from root by restructuring its seedbed mideast. in this interpretation, 911 was just one chain in the whole strategy serving as a perfect excuse to launch the war against Iraq, the key country in mideast which US can restruct into a "democratic model" and base to fight against terrorism in that area. it is really a forethoughtful plan! then 911 was better off to happen at the right place and right time though it could have been prevented. well, then I guess those thousands of 911 victims and their families were put into the place of scapegoats without their own williness. what can I say? sacrifce with one's own mission is a dedication, sacrifice without being informed, it is a murder!

看看这个网站，好玩

http://www.qj21.com/js.htm

我真喜欢第一把西施壶。。。喜欢各种西施壶，真不知道那么略带一点拙又不失精巧的样子为什么叫西施。。。不如等下次我过生日的时候大家合买来送我做礼物吧:P 要是太贵就预约到八十大寿时好了:D

大家要健康阿

馥菱小姐一直在忙着玩和忙着生病，现在咳嗽咳得真叫人心疼。hotplay从你那本药膳上找找有什么偏方吗？我给我爸做过失败的冰糖炖梨，效果不知道，难吃是一定的。

健康最宝贵，可不是嘛，大家都是奔三十的女人了！>_<

看看我新改的名字，丁尼生春天的诗。。。第一次看到翻译的诗，说“而我的报恨/亦如四月紫香堇/同万物一道爆芽、生长”，简直有惊艳之感，后来找原文知道报恨就是平常的regret, 紫香堇是被用滥的violet，如果翻译成“而我的遗憾/也像四月紫罗兰/同万物一起发芽、生长”，就没有那种惊心动魄的感觉了。。。可见中文还是比英文更有表现力一些阿。

四月了，大家都要快乐、健康阿！

我的革命生涯

今天报名参加了CAlTECH Y 的 community service, 去帮邻居一位80多岁的老太太刷了一天的墙。当然不是只有我自己啦，一帮十几个人，南郭也不难当。其实我在报名时只是想去看看刷墙是怎么样的，好不好玩，后来被质问清不清楚community service 的意义，不禁认真思考了一下并总结过往人生经验：嗨，不就是学雷锋，干革命嘛。我的历史悠久啦。

小学：小学的时候，学雷锋可是硬任务，还要在定期上交老师的日记里有所反应。大家一定都捏造过扶老奶奶过马路这样的庸俗故事吧？嗯，我可干过高级的。作为少先队干部，我充分发挥了革命的主观能动性，经从我奶奶那儿得到的情报，邻居有个90多岁的老太太，自己住，只有个远房侄子定期过来照看。于是带着同学一帮十几个人，说：阿婆，我们来学雷锋了，有什么活给我们干？老太太好像被吓到，连说不用不用。也是啊，人家过得干干净净，清清爽爽，也没什么劈柴挑水的活要干。我们一拨人在她家转悠了一阵，决定来个别出心裁，给老奶奶过个生日。多感人哪，写到日记里也很出煽情效果！买了蛋糕，剁馅儿包馄饨，忙个不亦乐乎。结果老人家不怎么待见，成了我们十多个人借她家的Party! 之后老太太来找我奶奶，委婉地表达希望不要被那么多人打搅，结果我奶奶就不让我去了，说同学要一块儿玩上家里来好了，人家年纪大了折腾不起。。。这一次革命行动就这样流产了:( 后来我还常在街上见到老太太，都会笑嘻嘻跑去问好不好，要不要帮忙。她只好说好好好，就躲开点我了。

初中：初中我们学校马路对面就是一家敬老院，这真是为我们革命小将提供了无限广阔天地啊。第一个三月份之后，我就组织了一个服务小分队，每天中午带同学跑去看看人家要不要帮忙扫地。那边的工人还挺愿意分一些工作给我们做的，老头老太太也愿意跟我们聊天。我还颇听了一些东家西家儿女邻居的八卦。不到一个礼拜，班主任不乐意了，找我说：你成绩好不要紧，可是别的同学中午还要自修和休息呢。然后说了一堆社会分工不同的道理，总结是：做好事嘛，3月5号有个行动就好了，也不用天天阿，那就成了去敬老院当清洁工了。这是我的共产主义理想第一次遭到小小打击的时候。

高中：我变成没那么积极分子了。好像也有去敬老院看过老人，不过那时候就成了一年一次，买点糖，像领导干么们一样跟老人们握个手就回来了。那时候好像没出过什么漏子。经验是：去敬老院犹如走亲戚，第一不能太勤，第二最好带点东西。对了，为了搞点创意，我好像还有建议过跟附近尼姑庵的年轻尼姑们联谊，（我有个姑婆曾在那里出家，所以略知一二人头）交流一下大家看什么书什么的。被老师同学一致否决，大概男生们兴趣不大，老师不知道是怕我们纯洁的思想受到消极人生主义的影响，还是怕我们打扰了人家的清修，总之一脸错愕状。

大学：共产主义理想得到了升华。。。那时清华有个紫荆志愿者服务总队，到各班有分队。我应该也是成员，但具体干了什么忘记了。好像有整理自行车吧（that was, probably still is, the biggest headache in Tsinghua campus). 后来我的工作升华到了意识形态层面，给叫"紫荆" 的团报写文章，报道整理自行车这类故事。我的文章应该是挺受欢迎，因为我在某种程度上总能把比较无聊的人和故事写得有趣一些，这正是团报欠缺的吧。不久学校党宣部的老师决定给我们这些“业务”比较强的小记者们上党课来增加“政治素养”，我在听了一堂关于“宣传要为主旋律服务”的课以后决定“no more bullshit”，就退出了。——至此我的革命生涯算是圆满结束。

对了，大学还有过一次算是community service. 跟dianarose同学一起当正负班头的时候，组织过一次去跟培智学校的智障小孩们联谊。这次活动比较有创意，叫“乐知我心”，是音乐主题的捐赠，因为他是清华爱乐协会的会长。我们在学校里募到好几万块的音乐制品，玩具和现金。都买成磁带、CD在一个大雪天跑去送他们。有很多不错的CD看得我还颇眼热。总之那次活动还不错啦，主要因为不是我的创意吧。要是我来想，可能会搞成去给他们读诗歌什么的，最后弄到大眼瞪小眼无法收场。对了，还有个细节，我们在那儿的时候，有个小朋友非拉着我叫姐，管另外一个胖乎乎的男生叫舅舅，也不知道为什么，至今不得其解>_<

hahahha, 闹了个笑话

昨晚的那首歌，今天查了一下， 叫 "song for Pessoa" ,是写给葡萄牙诗人佩索的。可怜我从头不知道歌名，在听的时候又把最重要的一句"the poet sleeps with me tonight" 听成了"the boy sleeps with me..." @_@ 结果就成了写孤独和爱情的歌了，至多有宗教色彩的彷徨 —— 我本来也觉得"boy"有点突兀，意义应该更纯洁一些，或许指天使吧。

听他们的歌，都有精神分裂的嫌疑，倒是有Pessoa的溯源。

改过来了，不好意思。

paper 印到手抽筋

印了一晚上，现在居然一点力气都没有了，比爬大峡谷还累，比念paper本身还累 >_<

姐妹们看起来都还不错,what did they say? girl friends are always your best support!

借着复印paper， 把fuling 的 Drug store 认真听完，里面有首歌听了不下20遍，都快可以背了。歌名不祥，里面唱："how sweet is the dreamer's night, to wipe up everything clean. in this world I will never be mine I dream...we all looking for comfort, but haunted by pain, it takes more than one sleepless night in the rain.... but tonight the poet sleeps with me... we all looking for someone, the faith has its own way to see the face of love gently move away... the poet sleeps with me tonight..." 只有吉他伴奏，旋律慢慢的，有点像VU 的pale blue eyes 里面，我上次推荐你们不以为然地:P

Drug Store "Magic white for lovers" 推荐度 *************